Summary: A letter from Buffy to her friends.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, blah blah blah.
Distribution: Just let me know where it's going.
Authors Note: Takes place during the whole major Apocolypse thing against the First Evil. Buffy can't take it anymore and she goes to be with Angel. Not just visit, but actually leave her friends.
Authors Note 2: All lyrics belong to Michelle Branch.
Spoilers: Season 7 Btvs.
Rating: G-PG
Feedback: Please?

I'm sorry.

/Of all the things I believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by/

I know I should have done this a long time ago. I *wish* I could have done this sooner. But today, I realized that I had to do this now, or I would go insane. So I'm sorry.

/I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend/

Dawn, I haven't been the best sister in the world. I haven't even been a good sister, and I'm sorry for that. You deserved better, and you at least deserved somebody who could have been there for you when you were down, and listen to your problems, and tell you that they love you to the stars and back. I *do* love you to the stars and back, even if I didn't make that clear. I realize that what I'm doing won't make up for anything I've done wrong in the past few years-in fact, it will probably only make it worse. But I hope you can understand that I love you so much, and I never want anything bad to happen to you. I want to protect you from the hurt and the pain, but now I know I can't, so I have to do this. I love you.

/Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to/

Willow, You're my best friend. I've never trusted anyone more than I've trusted you. You always believed me in. When I was crying, you couldn't promise you would make me laugh, but you cried with me. When I didn't want to listen to anybody, you were silent. And you listened. I only wish I could have returned the favor, and listened to you and cried with you. I was too caught up in my own life to notice your problems, and I'm sorry. I want to go back in time and fix that, change what I did. But I guess there's nothing I can do about it now, except say that I'm sorry and that I want to change how I acted. I want you to always remember that I love you, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. You didn't bring me back because you were selfish, you brought me back because you loved me and you cared. So thank you, Willow. Thank you for everything.

/I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light, and it's not right/

Xander, Where would I be without you? All of your jokes, they might have been corny and they might have been lame, but I know that those are some of the moments I'm going to miss most. When I was feeling down, you made me laugh, you brought me out of that spiral. I know we've had our disagreements and yeah, we fought sometimes, but underneath it all I loved you for being you. I love you so much as my friend, and I don't know if I ever told you that. But it's true. You almost always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better. I remember the days when we were carefree, and when life hadn't gotten so complicated. I know things were better then, even if life sometimes sucked. But now, Xander, I don't think there's anything you can say. And I'm sorry.

/Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to/

Giles, I don't know if you're ever going to get to read this, seeing as how you're in England. But if you do, I want you to know that you taught me the most important things about life. You taught me what real bravery was, what truth was, what life was. You don't know how much those lessons meant to me, because I never told you how much they were worth. But they changed everything for me, they showed me what living is. I know I said this once before, but you're like my family. My dad hasn't been around in years, and so you became like a father to me. I appreciate it so much, and I want to thank you. I'm sorry, because I wasn't always a good daughter - I was selfish, I lied, and I think I was self-absorbed. Maybe still am. But I still love you, and at the end of the day, we were still family. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you, Giles.

/And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time/

Spike, You might not get this letter, because you're still kind of insane. But I hope that you snap out of it one day, so you can read this. I don't know what to say to you. Things were so complicated, and like I said, you made them simpler. But then things became too complicated between us. I trusted you with my body, my mind, and my heart. I told you what I couldn't tell anyone else, and I went to you when I was heartbroken and lost. I've said that I hated you, and that sometimes I didn't like you, but the truth is is that last year, you really have been there for me. I denied to myself and you that I even liked you, but you proved to me how much I cared. I am so grateful that I could turn to you in a time of need. I never did the same for you, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I could have been kinder, and actually tried to care you for you. I never tried, and I'm sorry.

/Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to/

Mom, There is so much I have to tell you. When you passed away...it was too unexpected, and I never got to tell you the things I should have. I love you. You were my #1 supporter. You loved me more than anyone loved me, and you cared for me more than anyone cared for me. You came with me on patrol. You tried to understand. And you were the best mom that you could have been. Things have gotten worse since you died, and I don't mean to make it sound like it's your fault, because it's not, it's mine. I let things just...deteriorate. Everything went downhill because I let it. I should have watched out for Dawn, and I should have taken care of my friends. I should have been a better person. You made me the best person I could have been, and it's because of you I am who I am. I don't know how I would have made it through anything without you, and I am so grateful for everything you did for me. Sometimes I wasn't a good daughter, I know that. I'm sorry for that. And I don't think I said it often enough, but I love you. Things have gotten really bad, and that's why I need to do this. I love you. And I'm sorry.

/And when the stars fall I will lie awake/

Anya, I wish we could have been closer, and spent more time together, so I'm sorry for that. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I don't quite know what else to say, except that I wish we knew each other better. Things were awkward between us sometimes, but I'll really miss you, and how straighforward you were. You never tried to hide the truth from everybody, and I respect that. So thank you.

/You're my shooting star/

I'm really sorry to everybody. I wish things could be different, but there's somebody I have to go be with now. Please, don't go looking for me. I love you, and I'll miss you.

-Buffy

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