Disclaimer- Unfortunately, I don't own the characters from Buffy, the Vampire Slayer or Angel. They belong to Joss Wheadon and too many other people.
Timeline- Future, we'll say five years after season 5.
Spoilers- Mild 'Fool for Love', 'Killed by Death', 'Becoming, part 1', 'Passion' but only if you've seen them.
Author's Notes- This is angsty. I'm sorry, I had to. Buffy and Angel are toghther. Other couples are irrelevent.
Distrobutuion- Email me if you want it. LoD, my site, Soulmates Eternal

2004

When the car crashed, he thought he was dead. Metal sliced into his spine and he could feel nothing below his waist. Bones crunched, and the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth. Before the world faded into darkness, he had one thought-

*Buffy, I love you.*

~*~

Angel learned that he had been in a coma for three days before awakening. His lips were dry and chapped, and his throat was dry. "Buffy?" he asked in a scratchy voice, seeing her figure sillouetted above him. Her head snapped up, and she wiped the tears from her face.

"Angel," she spoke in a hushed voice,"Oh, God...thank you."

"Buffy...where am I?" Questions filled his eyes, and Angel realized something. He couldn't feel anything below his waist. He saw Buffy's hand on his leg. "I-I can't feel your hand, Buffy..why can't I feel anything?!" He was on the verge of becoming hysterical.

"Sssh, Angel. It's alright...it's going to be alright," Buffy said as the tears fell from her eyes.

"What happened?" he asked, grabbing her hand.

She sniffled, then began. "You're paralyzed. The..the technical term is 'paraplegic', meaning that both of your lower limbs were paralyzed. During the accident two broken vertabre pinched a spinal nerve. We can get through this, Angel..I know it. I still love you," she said.

"Will I ever walk again?" he asked. She looked away. "Don't lie to me."

"No," she said, "That's what the doctors say. Bu-but they're wrong, I know they are. You will-"

He turned away, disgusted. "Leave," he said harshly.

"W-what?"

"You heard me. Leave. I can't stand to see you look at me like that. You have your whole life ahead of you. I don't want to drag you down. Leave, and never, ever come back. What we had...it wasn't meant to be. I was meant to be like *this*, not to be with a goddess like you. Forget about me. Forget about...us."

Angel heard a sob escape from her throat. He wanted to turn around, to take her into his arms. But he couldn't. He wouldn't. She stood, frozen in time, and walked out the door without saying a word to him.

~*~

2006

Dear Angel,

I guess that I thought I needed 'closure'. Maybe I do, maybe I don't deserve it. Do you care? Spike once told me that every Slayer had a death wish, even me. He was right.

When you told me to leave, my heart broke. The only thing I ever wanted was you, Angel. Kids, maybe, but I never wanted them if they weren't yours. That's why I told you to meet me, that fateful night. It was my fault, I know it was. Don't deny it. Anyways, I was pregnant with your child. Our child. I drove recklessly out of the hospital and onto the freeway. I was fast, too fast, and I crashed. I lost our baby. I figured that you didn't want me, that you didn't care, so I didn't tell you. I turned to drugs, and alchol. Sex, too. I was a prostitute, a whore, a slut, a tramp. There's lots of words for what I was. All I wanted was to feel loved. When that didn't work, I contemplated suicide. The thought was terrifying, and yet strangely exactly what I wanted at the same time.

Right now I'm lying in a cemetery, probably fighting a vampire. I want to let him win, I want this to be my last battle. I want this to be over. Now he's staking me, ironically using my own stake, Mr. Pointy. I'm bleeding to death. I can see everyone, my mom, Celia, Kendra, Ms. Calander. They're telling me to come home, Angel. For the first time in a long time, I feel loved.

I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of one thing- that I'll never feel your love again. That I'll never get to say the things I never said. That I'll never get to say goodbye, see you walk. I want to love you, and I'm sorry.

Every Slayer has a death wish.

What's mine?

That was where the letter left off. No signature, it wasn't needed. He knew who it was from. He could feel her pain. She was in a cemetary somewhere in Sunnydale, but where? He knew that, too.

~*~

And so Angel left. He drove to Sunnydale, on the brink of insanity, trying to grasp the concept of life without her. Of a world without Buffy.

It seemed impossible. He had told her two years ago to leave, to forget their love. But he had never felt her gone, exactly. Angel could always feel her spirit. When she was in pain, he felt it. He wanted to make it go away, yet most of the time, he caused it.

He smelt her blood. Lots of it, he knew the taste, the smell, the feel of it running through his human veins. It was an elixr, used to tantalize him and connect him to her.

Buffy had been right. He would walk again. He had made futile efforts to contact her, but decided against it. It would be best, he decided, to let her live her life out how she wanted to.

And so he came upon her broken, bloodied body. Lying next to a tombstone which beared her name and the date, written in blood, she still breathed. To him right now, it was the greatest sound in the world.

"Buffy..." He spoke her name for the first time in years, though it sounded through his head constantly.

"Angel," she said, struggling to open her eyes. Her voice was weak and raspy, and she took in a ragged breath.

"I.." He realized that he was too late. Then, as the tears blurred his vision, he remembered what she had written in her letter. "I love you, Buffy."

She opened her eyes, then smiled. Gazing one last time at the stars, she closed her eyes.

For the first time in forever, she was loved.

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