Couldn't Have Stayed if I Wanted To

by Veronique

Disclaimer- I don't own them, cuz if I did do you think I would be writing fanfiction? Nooo, they belong to almighty Joss Wheadon (even though at the moment I HATE him), Mutant Enemy (Grr-Argg), the (mean) people at Fox, and Kuzui Enterprizes (no comment)
Spoilers- Graduation Day part 1 and 2, probably some others. Most minor, actually the whole B/A relationship. Also, I am probably going to quote some episodes in this, so that'll be in italics. Again, I pieced together what I felt important (or something) from what Angel said to Buffy in the Prom. This is set in the last scean where Angel's leaving-after Buffy kills the Mayor. Sorry if I got some of it wrong-this is my first fic.
Feedback- Please? First fic, and it sucks but....
******ANGSTY!!!******


Buffy's POV( Point of View)

The smoke stung my eyes and nostrils. That was the least of my worries right now. As the smoke cleared, I was looking into the eyes of my lover. Those dark, penetrating, loving eyes. The eyes that had made me swoon the first time I set eyes on him, though I kept it to myself. I'm thinking about the time we met with the Three, and he saved me. Later at my house...I discovered that he was a vampire. Then..well to put it in my exact words to Willow in the Bronze,

" I slept with him, he lost his soul, and now the demon that wears his face is running around killing my friends."

God, those months he spent as Angelus almost killed me...he killed Ms. Calendar. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I was falling and I couldn't ever stop. Like nothing else mattered. Like somebody ripped my heart out, playing with it until it shattered into a thousand pieces and I couldn't every pick them up. After Ms. Calendar's death, I decided to stop playing and leave my shattered heart where it was. It was time to recognize my duty. Angelus, Spike, and Drusilla tried to awaken Acathla, a demon that would've sucked the entire world into Hell. Angel's blood was the key to opening and closing it, so what did I do?

I sent the only person I ever loved to Hell.

Willow was trying to restore his soul, and she succeeded in the last few moments. I didn't know, Xander, who was supposed to tell me, never did. I sent him to Hell anyways, I had no choice. Then, being the brave person that I am, I ran away, planning to never come back. I had to.

Memories of two weeks ago, right before the Prom, flash through my mind. When Angel broke up with me, torn heart shattered again, for the final time.

"I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us, you and me being together, is unfair to you."

"Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up."

"He was right."

"No. No, he wasn't. He's the bad guy," I argued.

"You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you," he started.

"I don't care about that."

"You will. And children." He is trying to make this easier but it's only making it harder.

"Children? Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfish," I said jokingly, trying to lighten things up.

"Today. But you have no idea how fast it goes, Buffy. Before you know it, you'll want it all, a normal life."

"I'll never have a normal life," I said. I knew I was pushing it, but this hurt more than I wanted to bear.

"Right, you'll always be a Slayer. But that's all the more reason why you should have a real relationship instead of this, this freak show. (I knew I looked hurt here, and I felt my heart shatter.) I didn't mean that."

"I'm gonna go." I said urgently.

He grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry. Buffy, you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this."

"Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this?" I cried.

"Have you, rationally?" he said.

"No. No, of course not. I'm just some swoony little schoolgirl, right?" I said vehemently.

"I'm trying to do what's right here, okay? I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart."

"Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating!"

"Don't," Angel said.

"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that. I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you," I reply. Tears traced little trails on my face.

"I don't."

"You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me," I said, crying. My resolve was about to break and I was near to being on my knees, begging for him to say that this wasn't true.

"It doesn't mean that I don't ..."

"How am I supposed to stay away from you?" I said.

"I'm leaving. After the Ascension, after it's finished with the Mayor and Faith. If we survive, I'll go," he said.

I spent much of that night crying my eyes out in Willow's lap.

The smoke is beginning to give me a headache right now. My gaze is still locked on him, and I hug myself tighter. I felt like I was going to pass out. My eyes pleaded for him not to go. I needed him. I wanted him. I loved him. He was my Angel, and I was his Slayer. Don't go, Angel. Please don't go. This is going to kill me....

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my side. An arrow from a crossbow had gone through my back into my stomach. I scream.

"Aw, the Slayer and her Angel. Taking the pain for him this time, are ya? Don't see why. He's a bastard, with leavin' ya an' all, B. Thought you'd see that sooner. Oh well. I figure you kill the Mayor, a person that I was *very* close to, I'll kill you and watch you precious Angel suffer," Faith said vehemently.

I doubled over, crying out at the excruciating pain that had pierced through my flesh. I can feel the poison pulsate through my veins. I began to see spots, then I heard Angel cry out-my name as he runs over to me. My chest feels like it's about to explode. Stars swim before my eyes. I feel him tenderly pick me up in his arms, and I look into his worried, dark eyes. Then all I see is darkness.

Angel's POV

Our gazes are locked. Our souls are forever entwined. We are still in love, though I am leaving since we have defeated the Mayor. Our last battle side by side. She will go to college, and I'm not sure where I'll go. I turn to leave, walking out of her life for the last time, when I hear her scream. I turn around so fast I'm surprised I didn't get whiplash, just in time to see the arrow pierce her flesh and through the other way. She falls to the ground and I am able to manage one word. "BUFFY!" I scream. I gathered her into my arms, trying to stop the blood flow, but it was a futile effort. She looks into my eyes and hers cloud over and finally close.

My Slayer. She is dead by the hand of Faith, who should've been her closest ally. She died in my arms. I wept over her body for hours, after the medics that were swarming all over the place came and pronounced her dead. Faith was taken into custody and charged for murder. I realize that I will never be happy, not minutely happy, for the rest of my eternal life, so I go to watch my first sunrise in almost 300 years. I sit on top of the hillside, first visiting my Beloved's grave.

"You did it, Beloved...you won. The Gods have gotten one thing wrong, though. It's you who's the Angel, not me. I love you," I murmur as the sun comes up. I wait for my ascension into Hell. I feel the searing pain as my body is consumed with flames, then I am nothing more than a wisp of dust for the wind to carry away.

~*~*~*~*~

Heaven, 3rd person POV

Angel awakens on a soft, pillowy cloud. He sees Buffy, her golden hair flowing over an angelic face and delicate, white sleeveless silk dress.

"Buffy," he whispers, "where am I?"

"Angel," she says and kisses him.

"Where am I?" he asks again.

"Angel...I love you. Duh, you're in Heaven. Let's see: You killed yourself over grief, the Powers That Be granted me one wish and it was to be with you forever. Angel, when you broke up with me, I was going to die. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It felt like my heart shattered and cut open my lungs-" she began, crying.

"Ssh...I'm sorry. I love you forever," he said.

"I love you," Buffy said.

The Slayer and her Vampire were together. Forever.

The End.

Sorry! The ending sucks! I was feeling sappy....

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