Disclaimer- I own nothing but the plot.
Timeline- S5, before Forever, but based on spoiler speculations.
Author's Notes- This is to make up for my lack of fic lately! (Sorry! *g*)
Dedication- To everyone who has sent me feedback, especially Kate McQ and Sara-Lee! ;-) Also, everyone on TBC&S general spoilage board- YOU ROCK!!
Rating- PG
Spoilers- Surprise, Becoming, Beauty and the Beasts, and IWRY.

"It's just...so hard. I can't believe that she's gone. And now, my father's trying to regain custody of Dawn...I can't let him. I can't lose her, Angel. She's the only thing I have left. And..."

I inhale deeply, and the scent of his hair gel wafts over to me. I inwardly smile, remembering what it was like to play with his soft, spikey hair. Then I continue.

"And I still love you. I never stopped....I couldn't tell you. I couldn't, because I was too scared that you wouldn't love me, and the mere thought of that made me want to! die. I realized that I can't take things for granted anymore, because one day they could be gone. That's why I'm telling you this....because I need to know if you still love me."

There. I said it. I probably have embarrased myself more that humanly possible, and I start to blush unwillingly. Then, I look up, hope shining in my eyes. He looks at me, his eyes locked with mine, and begins to cry.

I've only seen Angel cry a few times before in my life. Once, that night at the docks, before and after he was in Hell, and once more. Once more...I can't quite place that time, when, or where, but I have a vague image of him standing and holding me, crying, and cajoling me. The rain pours in sheets, and I shiver. Maybe it's being near him, being close enough to reach out and touch his cool, ivory skin. Maybe it's because I am soaked to the bone. Maybe it's because he's crying. Whatever it is, I can't help but feel nervous around him, especially after what I said.

My eyes had been cast downward. I could feel him looking at me, his eyes burning holes in my skull. I meet his gaze again, and touch my face.

I hadn't even realized I was crying.

Suddenly, as he begins to say something, I fall to my knees at his feet, as if worshipping him. "Buffy?" he asks, kneeling down level with me.

"Buffy?" He repeats my name again, but I barely hear him. Images flash in my head, of him, of me, of us together. They stop as suddenly as they started.

He's holding me now. I begin to stand, and he supports me. "I'm fine...just..." I started to speak, but another flash of images causes me to lean against the mauseoleum. I cradled my head in my hands, and took deep breaths. The pain was so intense, I felt nauseated. Choking back the bile that had risen in my throat, I tried to say something, but it came out as a mixed gurgle. I screamed.

Angel's talking to me, but I can't hear him. All I can hear is my screams, and a dre! amlike sequence. As things began to dim, I managed to say something.

"Angel."

I can feel the rain. It's cool, like a freezing sheet. For a moment I feel as if I am surrounded in a cloud of air, then I fall into Angel's waiting arms.

In a moment, all I see is him and me...human, toghether.

~*~

Swiftly, as I see her start to sway, I extend my arms and she falls into them. A pained expression covers her beautiful face, and I realize something.

She, too, is crying.

I feel relieved for a moment-knowing that she loves me, that she never stopped. Then, my attention snaps back to the matter at hand.

She's unconcious. Dreaming, maybe, though it doesn't look that way. It looks as if Buffy's having a nightmare. I want to take her into my arms, tell her it's going to be alright, but I can't. Because she's not mine anymore. Because she can't hear me. And because I don't know if it's going to be alright.

~*~

I couldn't resist. I saw her crying, and I wrapped my arms around her fragile body. She's trembling, and her body is searing next to my cool one. She's been asleep for almost twenty-four hours.

She's shaking violently now, weeping, mouthing something.

I'll never forget...I'll never forget...I'll never forget...

Oh, God. NO. She wasn't supposed to remember...not like this. How am I supposed to explain this to her?

I'd better think fast. She just woke up..

I have to remember one thing. That was the best day of my life...even if it never happened.

~*~

A dim white light began to get brighter and brighter until finally it swallowed me up, and I found myself looking into Angel's concerned, dark eyes.

"Angel?" I said, fuzzily. The events that I have just wittnessed register in my head. "Oh, God.."

"Ssh, Beloved. Don't cry." He tries to soothe me with his kind words and gentle kisses, but I'm too distracted to pay any attention to it. He just held me for a long, long time, before speaking.

"Buffy, honey...stop crying. You'll make yourself sick." Angel made me meet his eyes, but I turned away.

"I can't, Angel...I can't...be with you. It's not fair to you. You're too good for me. When you're human, you'll want a normal girl. Not a Slayer...never a Slayer. Especially not me." I feel the hot tears resurface and roll down my cheeks. He looked at me. I can never defeat his dark, mysterious eyes. I am always powerless, lost, in his eyes.

God, he did it again. He looked at me. "Buffy, don't. Don! 't say that. You don't know what you mean to me, what I want."

"NO! DON'T! Don't give me your lecture. I heard it two years ago, Angel! And you broke my heart, I swear. I would've killed myself if it wasn't for the fact that I had hundreds, thousands even, of people depending on me. I couldn't. I had to be strong. I had to fight, and that's what I wanted to do for us. FIGHT. But you were too much of a coward to try, and that proved that you didn't love me."

"And, that you didn't need me. You've never needed me, Angel. You always let me pretend like I was the one with all the pain, that I was the one suffering. But secretly, you always knew it would be you, didn't you? So, I'm going to say this one final time..." I breathe deeply, and struggle not to cry. "You don't need me in your life. Not now, not ever. Not as a human. I..I love you, but this has to be goodbye."

I can't hold back my tears anymore. I'm telling the man I love, my soulmate, that he can't ! be with me. That he's too good for me. That...

That I love him.

He gave up his humanity for me. I would be ready to give anything for him, I know that. But what if I'm wrong? What if something happens to him, and I have to die to save him? What if I can't do that? What if I'm not ready to sacrifice everything?

But I am. I know I am. I love him.

I start to walk out of the room. He can't forgive me. Not after what I said, not after what he did. He took back the best day of my life and he did it for me.

Silently I cry. I want him to stop me, I want him to hold me. I want to be loved, to be unselfish, but I know that when he becomes human, he'll want a normal girl. Goodbye, Angel. Goodbye forever and ever. Goodbye to the pain and the heartache and the love. Goodbye to...

To my life. To my everything. My world.

~*~

"Wait."

I say the one word and it astonishes me. I know I wanted to, but I wanted her to be the one to say it. I wanted her to love me, to cry, to beg for me. But as she turns, I know that I was right.

Buffy runs. Her eyes are bloodshot and red-rimmed. She runs into my arms and throws hers around me. Her lips meet mine and my heart soars. I kiss her back hungrily and she pulls away.

"I'm sorry...I-...I.." she stammers.

"Sssh, ssh, it doesn't matter, beloved." I say, and our lips meet again.

A searing pain rips through my chest. I double over, and I hear her call my name in a panicked manner. "Angel!"

My chest aches. I inhale a long, deep breath. My heart pulsates with blood, warm blood, and I exhale.

"Angel!"

I lift my head. "I-I'm human!"

Her eyes are wide and her pupils dialate. "Oh...oh, God!"

I kiss her again and silence her. "Are you sure..." she asks.

"Yes." Somehow I just know that this is permanent. This is real. No clauses, nothing can harm it. I feel my strength return and I carry her to the bed.

Finally, I feel whole.

YAY! I'm finally back, with waaay to many ideas. And I AM capable of fluff. This could evolve into a series-though in a month I'm moving cross-country, but I'll still have the internet. Once again, YAY!

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